Now yes, I’m a fan of Japanese cartoons if that wasn’t blatantly obvious to anyone with a pair of working corneas. And yes, weeaboo, they’re cartoons, get over it. Naturally the East and West have distinctively different approaches and different schools of thought when it comes to comic books, cartooning and animation and both sides of the world have particular underlying techniques and ticks throughout.

But it irks me to no end when people go on about anime sucking because of something common to most cartoons in the world. Sure, you don’t have to like anime, but it’s my pet peeve and my website damnit! So here’s my list:

#1. Anime Characters Are Disproportioned!

I don’t understand this one myself. Are all cartoons, nay all art in general, expected to follow strictly realistic human proportions? Applying this complaint to anything else would seem unreasonable as best and puppy-neck-snappingly retarded at worst. According to modern figure drawing the average human body is about 7/7.5 head lengths tall, although idealized classical figures could be as much as 8 or 9 head lengths tall. What this means is that a proportionally correct person would be drawn as tall as their head repeated 7 times.

Let’s compare:

So how come Disney gets away with it guys?

#2. Anime Characters Have Big Heads!

I could just say “see above” in this instance but then I wouldn’t be a very good snarky internet writer would I?

Let’s do another comparison, this time showing the characters’ total heights with their heads all sized roughly the same:

The differences are pretty drastic huh? Of course there are alot of “chibi” anime styles wherein the head is purposefully drawn huge and the body is drawn stylized and “super deformed” but I’m going by the most average builds I can. As you may have noticed all of these characters have over-sized heads anyway, because you’d be hard pressed to find a toon that doesn’t. Also why do most American toon women seem to have tattooed on lipstick?

#3. Why do Anime Characters Have Big Eyes!?

Why do American toons have four fingers? Really, what does that mean? And you know what else?

MOST CARTOON CHARACTERS HAVE OVER-SIZED EYES.

Except Doug and Charlie Brown. But screw them.

Seriously though humans respond to eyes almost more than anything else in a picture. Get the eyes right and alot of other flaws will be forgiven, at least by the laymen. Cartoons stylize everything but eyes and heads are particularly exaggerated because that’s what we notice first and that’s what we’re drawn to because that’s how we recognize something as representing a human being (or at least an anthropomorphized being. You get the point.)

#4. Disney is BETTER!

Yes you sure showed those anime fans by implying that Japanese television animation is even comparable to American multi-million dollar full-length animated features! Pat yourself on the back, dumbass. By the way, have you noticed Disney has been feverishly dubbing and distributing practically everything in Studio Ghibili’s library over the last few years? A much smaller Japanese animation studio responsible for traditionally animated full-length theatrical films that are far superior to anything Disney has produced in the last 10 years or so?

Not to mention that in 2003 Studio Ghibli’s Spirited Away (a film Disney was responsible for giving a North American theartrical release) beat out the likes of not only Ice Age but Disney’s own Treasure Planet and Lilo & Stitch to the Oscar for “Best Animated Film.”

Suck on that!

#5 ALL ANIME LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME!

No.

In Conclusion…

Sure, some anime does suck for legitimate reasons, just like some American cartoons suck, some books suck, some movies suck, etc. But you don’t write off an entire media for stupid, stupid reasons. In the end the whole American animation vs. Japanese animation argument doesn’t matter… because it’s all produced in Korea these days anyway.

Related posts:

1. Elfen Lied
2. Anime Fanservice
3. Bleach Sucks

Why is summer slow? Because all of the games companies save their biggest releases for the year-end holidays that’s why. So, because I have nothing better to write about, here are the games I’m waiting on bated breath for, in general order of wantingness, that are going to heavily distract me throughout the fall and winter.

1. Assassin’s Creed 2

Due date: Nov. 17 | Platforms: 360/PS3

To illustrate just how excited I am about this game I will now
transcribe an actual conversation I had with my good friend Angel:

Me: Assassin’s Creed 2, DO WANT blah blah blah

Angel: Dude… you are so straight for Altair.

Me: That’s not Altair, It’z Ezio! And he can swim! Altair is dead to me!

Now I know alot of people didn’t like Assassin’s Creed 1. It was short, many people found it boring, and it got obnoxiously Da Vinci Code at the end. And sure, I was irked by the “omg teh assassins and templars are still warring to this day!!1″ ending and would rather have ignored the science fiction elements of the game, cause really, I don’t see why we need to be a dude experiencing ancestral memories in order to just have a health bar. Although now I’m assuming in either the third or a future game this guy is going to use the talents learned from his assassin ancestors to escape the facility and we get to have the gameplay in near future/modern times.

Anyway, sure, Assassin’s was short. You did only have 5 mission types over and over when researching your next target, but I still was into it because they were in a different context each time. I also have a hardon for ancient history and I loved the mechanics of being able to crawl all over every building (though oddly enough Altair was incapable of climbing things like trees) and although the story got kind of stupidly convoluted toward the end I loved that your targets had surreal asides expressing their motives after you knifed them.

However Assassin’s Creed 2 really looks like it’s leaps and bounds over its predecessor, more detailed environments, new and improved mechanics, new moves, better focus on style and storytelling. This time it’s the 1400’s, you’re in Italy, and your new assassin Ezio is fueled by revenge rather than by duty. You also get to hang out with Leonardo Da-fucking-Vinci. And no, he doesn’t tell you conspiracy bullshit or where to find Mary Magdalene’s bones: he makes your weapons upgrades and gives you a hang-glider straight from his famous invention sketches. HELL YEAH. That alone should be a selling point.

Although this game’s one big sin is that the Limited Edition with an Ezio action figure is only available in Europe! What the hell, people!? We Americans are supposed to get all the good stuff! It isn’t faaaair! Oh well, a North American special edition may yet be announced.

2. Muramasa: The Demon Blade

Due date: Sep. 8th | Platforms: Wii

Yes that's in-game graphics, not a drawing.

Anyone ever play Odin Sphere? No? And I never did a review of it either. Stupid Sai, stupid stupid! Although truthfully I got stuck in the game and haven’t played it since (damn bosses with regenerating health) I immensely enjoyed it. It was a 2D side-scrolling RPG brawler by a company called Vanillaware where all of the graphics and backgrounds were hand-drawn digital artwork seeped in Norse mythology and you played the game as five different characters experiencing the same story from their individual viewpoints.

So what’s Muramasa? Well a 2D side-scrolling RPG brawler where all of the graphics and backgrounds are hand-drawn digital artwork seeped in Japanese mythology and you play the game as at least 2 different characters experiencing the same story from their individual viewpoints. And more boobs. Big difference!

Anyway, the game looks gorgeous, the graphics are even better than they were in Odin Sphere and this is definitely the hardcore gamer’s game the Wii needs right now. Sure stuff like Mad World and The Conduit have tried that, but those were both made by Sega and failed hard trying to be “hardcore” and “mature” with gore and dick jokes in the former and mundane FPS in the latter. Muramasa is just going to be a straight up action game with a unique take on classic video game elements and a hell of alot of style.

3. Mass Effect 2

Due Date: Jan. or Feb. 2010 |  Platforms: 360/PC

My experience with Mass Effect is difficult to explain. I’m not sure what finally made me pick it up but I’m glad I did. I’m not generally into shooters, but it was third person so that helped. And I’m definitely not into science fiction Space Operas along the lines of Star Trek and Battlestar Galactic and what have you, which is exactly what Mass Effect is, and yet it managed to dominate much of my time for the span of two or three months. Not a day went by where I didn’t play Mass Effect for at least an hour, it was that engrossing, like a good book you just can’t put down, only it was a video game and I was shooting things and macking on blue women.

I’m also weak against games with character customization, robust side quests, exploration and multiple options. Luckily my urges to go through the game and see every possible bit of conversation and try every possible character combination has since faded, but I’m sure they’ll be rekindled with the sequel.

I’ve heard you’re going to be able to transfer your old character over, which is just fantastic, I hope it’s their looks and not just their stats (or a bait and switch where you’re playing the Son of Shepard or something, Liara did mention she could make babies with my fem!Shep.) The gameplay looks like it’s gone through some definite improvements with a few new features (including the mischievous “interruption” feature that lets you cut off someone in mid conversation to shoot them or throw them off a cliff or something) but what impresses me most overall is the game’s style.

I can’t really explain it, but from the looks of things there has been a drastic increase in the game’s design and aesthetic. That’s all I can really say about it!

4. Brutal Legend

Due Date: Oct. 13th (hopefully) | Platforms: 360/PS3

This game flew under my radar for a while but hey, it’s looking like it may be the first commercially successful game Tim Schafer (of Psychonauts and Grim Fandango fame) has ever had! That is if Activision doesn’t fuck it up for everyone!

Lemme explain, Brutal Legend has had a troubled publishing history. First it was with Vivendi Games, but then Activision acquired Vivendi when it merged with Blizzard (makers of WoW.)  During a long series of poor decisions Activision decided to drop Ghostbusters and Brutal Legend, among others, because they’re apparently retarded and can’t recognize potentially well selling games when they see them. EA picked up Brutal Legend, advertised the hell out of it and now it’s all over the map as one of the most high profile and highly anticipated games this year.  Seeing that the game is actually going to do well Activision decided it needed to get its thumb in that pie and sued saying Double Fine (Schafer’s company) didn’t have the right to bring the game they dropped to another company. Double Fine is counter-suing because Activision not only dropped Brutal Legend but was considering the unthinkable of turning it into another goddamn Guitar Hero game.

So what is Brutal Legend anyway? Well it’s an action game that takes place in a world revolving entirely around heavy metal music and imagery. It stars Jack Black as a hapless roadie who is transported there, and for those of you who would be worried about that: he doesn’t really sound like himself in the game. That is to say, he’s actually playing a character rather than just, you know, being Jack Black. Tim Curry and Ozzie Ozbourne among other big names are also lending their voices to it. Just watch this cutscene, it’s hilarious. I’m probably going to rent this game first but I do have high hopes for it.

5. Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box

Due Date: Aug 24th | Platforms: DS

Goddamn I love me some Professor Layton. I don’t even really like the puzzles much, I overthink them, or I can’t do math, I often skip them or cheat and look up the answers, though when I do solve a puzzle on my own I feel pretty accomplished. But, really, I’m more into Layton for the story and the characters. Finding out the mystery of St. Mystere and seeing some of the most EPIC cutscenes EVER (wish it was better quality) is what has kept me plugging away at the first game.

Probably why I’m so happy there’s going to be a Professor Layton theatrical animated film in Japan next year. GLEEE~

Where it’s not likely, I’m kind of hoping the puzzles in Diabolical Box actually have more to do with the game’s plot. It was getting a little ridiculous that no one in St. Mystere would give you any info unless you solved a completely unrelated puzzle, or that Layton would be reminded of puzzles from seeing garbage on the ground or something. I’d rather prefer the game’s puzzles to actually fit into the what’s going on, but I realize it would be difficult to include over 100 puzzles that way.

But wait- … This game is coming out in this month!? Crap! I still haven’t finished the first one! Oh no, looks like my distraction is starting early!

A Parting Note/Mini-Rant:

You may have noticed I didn’t include Bishock 2 on this list even though I clearly loved Bioshock 1. Well, you know what, I’m not looking forward to Bioshock 2. I kind of agree with this GamesRadar article, it’s a bad idea.

This sequel feels like a fanservice cash-in. I mean it’s not being made by the original team or lead writer Ken Lavine for one, what it is being developed by is a clusterfuck of 4 or more teams spread out across different continents. For two, you play as a Big Daddy. Really? Was this necessary? Again, this just screams fanservice  and it’s not even entirely true: you have to be a previously dormant “prototype” Big Daddy in order to be sentient, and you’re smaller and faster, so you might as well be a normal dude with a drill for an arm. The team(s) claim it’s because in the first game you were a guy on the outside looking in, so this time you’re someone from Rapture.

SPOILER/NERD RAGE ALERT

BULLSHIT! Did these clowns even play the first game? The whole stupid, idiotic, nearly-game-ruining plot twist in the first Bioshock was that you were born in Rapture, 2 years ago, rapidly aged, brainwashed, given false memories and sent out into the world to live a pre-programmed life until you would be needed to come back to reach Andrew Ryan using your DNA because you’re his son and everything is controlled by his genetic signature and your makers managed to not only plan a plane crash 2 years in advance (in the 1960’s no less) directly over the entrance to Rapture in the middle of the Atlantic but were confident that you would fucking survive it.

Yeah. Sounds pretty retarded when it’s all laid out like that, huh? That’s because it is. It is really retarded. But my point here is I liked the idea of being some poor sap unrelated to the whole mess trying to survive in Rapture. The first game already takes that away from you, and I want it back!

When they first launched their viral “There’s Something in the Sea” website I thought you were going to get to play as the detective guy slowly going conspiracy theorist levels of insane trying to figure out where all these little girls all along the Atlantic coast all over the world were getting kidnapped to. And I do like the idea of the Big Sister and the kidnapped little girls, but in the end the only real purpose it serves is to arbitrarily repopulate Rapture with Little Sisters. Can’t we think of something new, people? It’s just the same rehashed environment and it’s not going to have anywhere near the same impact it originally did.

And multiplayer, bullshit again, online multiplayer doesn’t automatically make every game better. Maybe next I should do a list of games I’m dreading, but I can only really think of this and Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. The latter is definitely a rant for another day!

Related posts:

1. Assassin’s Creed 2
2. Assassin’s Creed
3. Girls and Games

You damn kids have it easy! Why I remember back in the day (that day being the late 90’s) when Japanese comic books could only be found in comic and specialty shops and the paperback graphic novels cost 20 bucks a pop!

Imagine trying to keep up with your precious Naurtos at that price! Rassa frassin’, get off my lawn and sit your keesters down while I show you 6 manga you’ve never heard of!

#1: Dragon Half

Ever get that feeling of deja vu? That’s right, at the top of my list once again is Dragon Half. I just can’t plug this series enough. If you have seen the wildly funny two episode OVA and have just always itched for more the manga will bring it. 65 chapters of 15-20 page comics more.

The art is good, but it changes drastically over the course of the series. You also get a wider cast of characters to enjoy and laugh at. All the humor of the anime is there and then some: the whacky situations, the fourth-wall breaking, fantasy RPG jokes, the obvious fanservice, and just alot of brilliant gags that defy explanation. Mink, the titular Dragon Half, is still on her quest to become human and win the heart of dragon slayer/pop star Dick Saucer, but along the way she sort of falls into many epic adventures, including a quest to kill the Demon King. But don’t worry, every time the series comes close to actually being dramatic it blatantly sabotages itself with its own insane humor. A good read!

Availability: As far as I know the series is only available online as scanlations. Onemanga has the complete series.

#2: +Anima

+Anima (pronounced Plus Anima) is a series I’ve talked about before on this site but one I still like to make people aware of. I picked this one up in the bookstore one day looking for something new.

+Anima is a cute comic, it’s more about the characters than any real over-reaching plot and unfortunately in the final volume what could have been a big moving finale and fascinating ending story arc feels awfully rushed and is crammed into the last few chapters. I sadly suspect the series was canceled at the time and the creator had to wrap it up quickly.

The story follows four wayward children traveling the land together, they’re all what is called +Anima, people with the ability to use the power of a particular animal shape-shifting part of their body to reflect it. Each character has their own power and their own interesting past that are each naturally revealed through the course of the story’s development. The four characters are extremely likable and the episodic nature of the comic makes it highly accessible.

Availability: +Anima is a mere 10 volumes long and is currently available in the United States published under TokyoPop. Pick it up while you still can, I don’t know how long it’ll stay on shelves as its relatively obscure. Onemanga also has the first 40 chapters available, but I encourage supporting the series with a book purchase if you like it!

#3: Rappi Rangai

Imagine if you will a harem manga that is genuinely funny. One that doesn’t rely on “walking in on the girls in the hot spring” gags and other cliches. One where the female characters aren’t tired, doe-eyed archetypes and have actual personalities. One where the male character isn’t a boring, plain, loathsome, dorky stand-in for sad otaku to inject themselves into.

Now imagine its also brimming with gorgeous art, badass action scenes, and ninjas.

This is Rappi Rangai.

I found this one when I was bored and tired one night just hitting the “random” button on OneManga. Admittedly the cover art is what first caught my eye (I won’t deny this series is chock full of fanservice and lovingly rendered female curves), but it was the great characters and humor that kept me coming back.

The comic stars Raizou, a poor peasant boy with a small horn on his head who is shunned as a demon child by the rest of his village. One day he saves the life of a beautiful girl named Kagari. Turns out she’s a kunoichi (female ninja) in service of the fallen house of Katana. Turns out Raizou is the bastard son of the Lord of the Katana Clan and his horn is proof. Turns out his late mother never bothered to tell him important details like this. Soon two other kunoichi arrive so the three pledge their servitude to Raizou and announce their plans to revive the house of Katana by finding Raizou a woman from another powerful clan to marry.

Wow the plot actually sounds coherent and serious when you explain it, but trust me the series is hilarious.

Availability: Only scanlations for now, on OneManga of course, but the news is Del Rey Manga (Random House) have the publishing rights so look for it sometime this or next year here in the States under the title “Ninja Girls”.

#4: Comic Party

Comic Party comes in two flavors: a collection of short comics by multiple amateur comic book artists published by Central Park Media, and a more structured adaptation by Sekihiko Inui published by TokyoPop. Both series revolve around the same characters and central idea, both are hilarious, though I prefer Inui’s rendition (better art and characterization, an on-going plot etc.)

Comic Party is pretty much all about geek empowerment. It follows a bunch of misfits who create self-published comics to sell at a monthly dojinshi convention called Comic Party (or Comipa for short.)

In both versions our main hero is Kazuki, depressed he was rejected from art school (at least in the Inui version) he’s convinced by his overly-ambitious, passionate otaku friend Taishi to give dojinshi a try, much to the chagrin of Kazuki’s girlfriend Mizuki. Most of the comic surrounds the convention, showing what goes into the process of comic making, over-exaggerating what artists go through during “deadline hell”, affectionately poking fun at cosplay, nerdy fanboy otaku, and just geek culture in general. The original CPM version also has several jokes about yaoi (especially when Mizuki gets lost at the convention and they find her later with a stack of dirty manga hidden in a paper bag.) Both are a great read and pretty funny, but like I said before Sekihiko Inui’s version just has better art and overall more structure.

Availability: I haven’t seen either version in stores near me lately, but you can still purchase it via Central Park Media and Tokyopop’s websites.

#5: Akira

Oh sure, you’ve heard of Akira. You’ve heard of Akira the movie. But what about the original comic?

The original comic is epic. Not only will reading it make the classic film make a whole hell of alot more sense, but you get an expanded understanding of its themes. Some characters only glimpsed in the film have engaging and important roles here. The original in fact takes us even beyond the awakening of Akira and the destruction of Neo-Tokyo, where survivors in the desperate aftermath struggle the find direction and Tetsuo becomes a tyrant. It’s simply incredible.

Availability: Unfortunately Akira was originally published in the United States by Dark Horse Comics in six large volumes the size of phonebooks. These volumes are currently out of print and are very pricey collector’s items. I only have the first 2 myself (the scan for this article is from the very last chapter, hard-bound, in color, in French. Don’t ask why I own this) and they were nearly 30 bucks each even when they were in stores. The series hasn’t been released domestically since. The only scanlations I’ve ever found were through the torrent site Boxtorrents.com.

#6: Lone Wolf and Cub

The artsy animated TV series Samurai Jack once did a blatant homage to Lone Wolf and Cub. Maybe because it lifted many of its action scenes right from this comic. Even at the time when I watched the show I began to suspect they had been studying this masterpiece as reference, only to have them confirm it with a tribute. So if you were ever confused by that scene, now you know what it was in reference to.

Lone Wolf and Cub is kind of hard to describe, there’s really nothing else like it. Its artwork is far more realistic than most Japanese comics, with a touch of influence from traditional Japanese screen prints.

The story is as follows: Ogami was high ranking samurai working for the Shogunate, however a plot by a rival ends in the slaughter of his entire family. His newborn son Daigoro survives, so he gives the child a choice. He places down a ball, and a sword. If the Daigoro chooses the ball he’ll kill the boy to send his soul to be with his mother, and go on his way. But instead Daigoro crawls to the sword.

So Ogami takes his son along with him on his revenge quest, and now as a ronin (masterless samurai) he becomes an assassin for hire. Did I mention he pushes Daigoro around in a wooden baby carriage loaded with hidden weapons? Lone Wolf and Cub is somewhat episodic but not without story arcs or an always present over-reaching plot.

Availability: Also published in the United States by Dark Horse comics, you can still find the books (and many of the live action films) on Amazon.com. There was a short-lived American comic adaptation called “Lone Wolf 2100″ that was set in the future… but the less said about that the better.

So there you have it! Get out there and get reading! I’d like to end this by just saying I love scanlators and fansubbers. You guys all work hard for nothing just so other people can enjoy foreign comics and animation, and for that I salute you!

Related posts:

1. +Anima
2. 5 Anime You’ve Never Heard Of (But Need To See)
3. Making Comics With Scott McCloud

But before you fling yourself into eternal flames of torment at my behest, read this list I’ve compiled of a few anime you’ve never heard of but you really should see. And if you comment saying you’ve heard of them I’ll consider you obnoxious.

#1: Dragon Half

The Dragon Half OVA only has two episodes to its name but it is by far one of the funniest animes ever made. I’m not even exaggerating. In fact, recommend watching the dubbed version because its even funnier.

Dragon Half is… a little hard to explain. It’s just an incredibly silly fantasy series starring a girl named Mink who was the product of love between a dragon slayer and… the dragon he was supposed to slay. Although her parents are constantly fighting (often with fire and swords) Mink is a happy, normal girl. Except she has horns, wings and a scaley tail. Along with her two friends she embarks on a quest to get to a concert put on by her teen pop idol crush Dick Saucer, who is also a dragon slayer, who is hired to slay her by the king, and she’s completely oblivious to this as she vies for his affections. She also draws the ire of the king’s beautiful and deadly sorceress daughter Princess Veena… who happens to be the president of the Dick Saucer fan club.

Did you get all that? Well if you watch it or HAVE watched it and feel you’ve always wanted more the manga is even longer. And even more hilarious.

#2: Maho Tsukai Tai (Magic Users Club)

This is, in all honesty, one of my favorite animes ever. It’s original, its funny, the characters are all well-rounded and likable, and it’s just all and all an adorable series.

Maho Tsukai Tai is about a group of misfits who are members of the Magic Club at their school. The thing is, they really can do magic. The club was founded by Takeo, a somewhat perverted and girl-obsessed nerdy senior and his best friend Aya who is quite obviously gay and doesn’t even try to hide that he has the hots for him. The other members of the club are three girls: Sae, Nanaka and Akane. Despite actually having magic powers the club isn’t taken very seriously, their club space shared with and ever increasingly encroached upon by the Manga club. Takeo always fails to stand up for the Magic Club as the leader of the Manga Club is the arrogant primadonna Miyama who has bullied Takeo since they were children and always intimidates him with her *ahem* generous assets.

There’s an OVA which is pretty funny and has the Magic Club taking on a mysterious alien force that had invaded a year previously but remained dormant since (its not as dumb as it sounds.) But where the series really shines is in its 13 episode television incarnation. I would recommend seeing the OVA first, or the first episode of the television series will be rather confusing. However from there the series focuses mainly on hilarious hijinx, clever plotlines and character development and is quite enjoyable throughout.

#3: Twelve Kingdoms

I never heard of this series until I was commissioned to draw  one rather obscure minor character from it. In an effort to figure out more about the character I was drawing I decided to check the series out and… got pretty hooked.

Twelve Kingdoms is kind of weird and epic and hard to describe, it is, however, a fantasy for sure (I know, I know. I’m … I’m a huge fantasy nerd.) When it starts out the main character seems like a godawful Mary Sue, and certainly parts of the show are kind of cheesy, but around episode 4 it really starts to pick up and never loses that pace staying action-packed and plot-focused. Basically it starts with your typical schoolgirl gets spirited away to some alternate/ancient/fantasy world plotline (ala Fushigi Yugi, Inuyasha, Escaflowne etc. upon etc.) but its really the characters, character interaction and fleshed out fantasy world that makes this series stand out. And you do see alot of characters. Normally that bothers me but Twelve Kingdoms handles its robust cast of main and minor characters well, it ties up loose ends and never lets characters overstay their welcome or fails to give them enough screen time.

The only real problem is the series just… stops. With no ending. It was just abruptly cancelled it seems. Luckily, its only the last 5 episodes or so that leave you hanging, before that there’s an epic ending to a long story arc that could have easily just been the series’ ending anyway.

#4: Galaxy Express 999

An interesting film based on a manga series it follows a young man named Tetsuro who lives in a future time where, for a small fortune, people are able to transfer themselves to machine bodies, gaining immortality and leaving human weaknesses behind. Tetsuro’s mother had been gunned down by a man called Count Mecha who basically hunted organic humans for sport and ever since Tetsuro has been obsessed with getting a machine body himself, something his mother had wished as she was sure it could improve their lives.

After meeting a mysterious woman named Maetel who rather resembles his late mother he gets the opportunity to travel to a planet where he’s heard machine bodies can be acquired for free. Maetel gets him a ticket on the Galaxy Express 999, a train that can fly through space, under the condition that he be her traveling companion. Along the way Tetsuro learns alot about himself, the world around him, and the circumstances surrounding his mother’s death, and his outlook begins to change. If you watch this movie, you may notice the many influences its had on countless other series and films.

And just for an added sense of context: Galaxy Express 999 is related to the Captain Harlock series.

#5: Please Save My Earth

A paced, very character-driven series Please Save My Earth may not be for everyone, but if you like drama and good character development you’ll find it interesting. Alice is a young girl in high school who can “listen” to plantlife and feels a strong attachment to nature. She has an odd and turbulent relationship with her young neighbor, a seven year old boy named Rin, who suffers an accidental fall off a balcony after he upsets Alice one night while she’s babysitting him. After the accident Rin begins to behave strangely, and Alice is drawn into a group by a couple of her classmates who are all having shared dreams about being strange people living in a technologically advanced building on the moon observing the Earth. Things only get stranger for the Alice and the group from there.

It’s a very compelling, well-animated and gorgeous series. The only problem is the OVA is only 6 episodes and adapted from a very long manga series so it’s quite clear the anime makers had trouble giving the OVA a solid conclusion. However, the manic and cluttered ending aside, its still a great series to watch while it lasts.

Tune in next time and I’ll bring you 5 Mangas You’ve Never Heard Of (and if you point out you have I’ll hate you.)

Related posts:

1. 6 Manga You’ve Never Heard Of (But Should Read)
2. Ninja Girls
3. Bleach Sucks

The games industry has always attracted companies out to make a quick buck, and this leads to some horrifyingly ill-conceived games that are only ever purchased by idiots and well-meaning grandparents who inadvertently ruin a child’s birthday. Without further adieu here’s 5 in particular (in no particular order) that have haunted the dark recesses of my mind ever since I had the misfortune of coming across them:

The Crazy Frog Game

If you used to watch television and live an insomniatic lifestyle like me you may remember these surreal commercials that came on at 3:00 am for some ringtone company with this horrible, bad CG, purple mascot thing masquerading as a “crazy frog” whose sole purpose for existing seemed to be to insure you would never sleep again. Basically this clever company had stolen a sound clip from the internet (it was funny at the time) and turned it into a ringtone no one would ever want to use or pay for.

Because said company obviously had such a fail-proof business plan they then decided the best way to turn a profit was to have their hideous creation star in a terrible video game. My first thought upon pulling this game down from a shelf was to question why it needed to be.

Frogger: The Great Quest

Speaking of crazy frogs, Konami, what abomination have you wrought? Even those too young to remember the Atari or those mythical places adults called arcades know that Frogger was just a simple game about a frog trying to cross a busy street without being flattened.

Well apparently Konami decided to reboot the franchise in a more complicated time and decided the best way to do so would be to make him run upright in khaki shorts surrounded by fairies and robots to save a bubble-headed princess. It’s like they tried to recreate an old property while cramming Crash Bandicoot, Sonic and Mario together and it just predictably ended in massive failure.

Redneck Jamboree

Well boy howdy, Cletus! Time t’get that thar pig on the barbie and break out the sweet teah! YEEHAW! Being a scarf-wearing, wine-tasting (not really), pinko commie elitist from the Northeast I commonly stereotype people from the South and yet even I’m offended by this game. And it’s a very recent game to boot. And it’s mini games. On the Wii. Of course. SIGH.

I’m not really sure which demographic this game is trying to appeal to, those who make fun of rednecks or rednecks themselves. If it’s the latter it must be part of the South’s nefarious invasion of the North as of late. Damnit, no one cares about Nascar up here, stop trying to convince us it’s popular!

The Guy Game

Yup because if one demographic is grossly overlooked by game developers its guys! Video games are hardly ever aimed at guys! We better make one, guys!

From what I’ve heard the game basically plays like a Girls Gone Wild commercial, only with lower resolution. The cover is textbook when it comes to advertising to highly suggestible men: you got a goofy looking, ugly Jim Breuer wannabe surrounded by models who would never give him the time of day in reality. Incidentally the only person who made any money from The Guy Game was an under-aged girl who sued after willingly letting the development team film and display her bare jubblies. Hear that? Playing The Guy Game officially makes you a pedophile.

Heaven: The Game

I heard about this one through Kotaku and its existence still perplexes me. The company making the game gives precious little info, even after two unskippable flash intros and a blaring chorus, but their own website claims their mission is to make games to “stimulate Christian spiritual growth”. Mmm.

By the looks of things our hero is a blue-eyed, blond-haired, Aryan beauty with pouty glossed lips and an ample heaving bosom who looks more like a Valkyrie come down from the glorious halls of Valhalla to gather the souls of brave warriors for Odin than an angel or a church choir girl or whatever she’s supposed to be. With the help of white Jesus and presumably white God and equally superior Aryan angels she’ll teach the lost lambs on some random spaceship whatfor. Seriously just go look at the trailer and comic book, I’m not even making this up.

Related posts:

1. 5 MORE Games Whose Existence Scares Me
2. Girls and Games
3. My 5 Top Year-End Games (With Bonus Rant)