My 5 Top Year-End Games (With Bonus Rant)

Summer is a slow time for games. Sure I got my Sims 3 and my Spore: GA, but those are Sim games, they’re not game games. And really what I mean is they’re not console games.

Why is summer slow? Because all of the games companies save their biggest releases for the year-end holidays that’s why. So, because I have nothing better to write about, here are the games I’m waiting on bated breath for, in general order of wantingness, that are going to heavily distract me throughout the fall and winter.

1. Assassin’s Creed 2

Due date: Nov. 17 | Platforms: 360/PS3

To illustrate just how excited I am about this game I will now
transcribe an actual conversation I had with my good friend Angel:

Me: Assassin’s Creed 2, DO WANT blah blah blah

Angel: Dude… you are so straight for Altair.

Me: That’s not Altair, It’z Ezio! And he can swim! Altair is dead to me!

Now I know alot of people didn’t like Assassin’s Creed 1. It was short, many people found it boring, and it got obnoxiously Da Vinci Code at the end. And sure, I was irked by the “omg teh assassins and templars are still warring to this day!!1″ ending and would rather have ignored the science fiction elements of the game, cause really, I don’t see why we need to be a dude experiencing ancestral memories in order to just have a health bar. Although now I’m assuming in either the third or a future game this guy is going to use the talents learned from his assassin ancestors to escape the facility and we get to have the gameplay in near future/modern times.

Anyway, sure, Assassin’s was short. You did only have 5 mission types over and over when researching your next target, but I still was into it because they were in a different context each time. I also have a hardon for ancient history and I loved the mechanics of being able to crawl all over every building (though oddly enough Altair was incapable of climbing things like trees) and although the story got kind of stupidly convoluted toward the end I loved that your targets had surreal asides expressing their motives after you knifed them.

However Assassin’s Creed 2 really looks like it’s leaps and bounds over its predecessor, more detailed environments, new and improved mechanics, new moves, better focus on style and storytelling. This time it’s the 1400’s, you’re in Italy, and your new assassin Ezio is fueled by revenge rather than by duty. You also get to hang out with Leonardo Da-fucking-Vinci. And no, he doesn’t tell you conspiracy bullshit or where to find Mary Magdalene’s bones: he makes your weapons upgrades and gives you a hang-glider straight from his famous invention sketches. HELL YEAH. That alone should be a selling point.

Although this game’s one big sin is that the Limited Edition with an Ezio action figure is only available in Europe! What the hell, people!? We Americans are supposed to get all the good stuff! It isn’t faaaair! Oh well, a North American special edition may yet be announced.

2. Muramasa: The Demon Blade

Due date: Sep. 8th | Platforms: Wii

Anyone ever play Odin Sphere? No? And I never did a review of it either. Stupid Sai, stupid stupid! Although truthfully I got stuck in the game and haven’t played it since (damn bosses with regenerating health) I immensely enjoyed it. It was a 2D side-scrolling RPG brawler by a company called Vanillaware where all of the graphics and backgrounds were hand-drawn digital artwork seeped in Norse mythology and you played the game as five different characters experiencing the same story from their individual viewpoints.

So what’s Muramasa? Well a 2D side-scrolling RPG brawler where all of the graphics and backgrounds are hand-drawn digital artwork seeped in Japanese mythology and you play the game as at least 2 different characters experiencing the same story from their individual viewpoints. And more boobs. Big difference!

Anyway, the game looks gorgeous, the graphics are even better than they were in Odin Sphere and this is definitely the hardcore gamer’s game the Wii needs right now. Sure stuff like Mad World and The Conduit have tried that, but those were both made by Sega and failed hard trying to be “hardcore” and “mature” with gore and dick jokes in the former and mundane FPS in the latter. Muramasa is just going to be a straight up action game with a unique take on classic video game elements and a hell of alot of style.

3. Mass Effect 2

Due Date: Jan. or Feb. 2010 |  Platforms: 360/PC

My experience with Mass Effect is difficult to explain. I’m not sure what finally made me pick it up but I’m glad I did. I’m not generally into shooters, but it was third person so that helped. And I’m definitely not into science fiction Space Operas along the lines of Star Trek and Battlestar Galactic and what have you, which is exactly what Mass Effect is, and yet it managed to dominate much of my time for the span of two or three months. Not a day went by where I didn’t play Mass Effect for at least an hour, it was that engrossing, like a good book you just can’t put down, only it was a video game and I was shooting things and macking on blue women.

I’m also weak against games with character customization, robust side quests, exploration and multiple options. Luckily my urges to go through the game and see every possible bit of conversation and try every possible character combination has since faded, but I’m sure they’ll be rekindled with the sequel.

I’ve heard you’re going to be able to transfer your old character over, which is just fantastic, I hope it’s their looks and not just their stats (or a bait and switch where you’re playing the Son of Shepard or something, Liara did mention she could make babies with my fem!Shep.) The gameplay looks like it’s gone through some definite improvements with a few new features (including the mischievous “interruption” feature that lets you cut off someone in mid conversation to shoot them or throw them off a cliff or something) but what impresses me most overall is the game’s style.

I can’t really explain it, but from the looks of things there has been a drastic increase in the game’s design and aesthetic. That’s all I can really say about it!

4. Brutal Legend

Due Date: Oct. 13th (hopefully) | Platforms: 360/PS3

This game flew under my radar for a while but hey, it’s looking like it may be the first commercially successful game Tim Schafer (of Psychonauts and Grim Fandango fame) has ever had! That is if Activision doesn’t fuck it up for everyone!

Lemme explain, Brutal Legend has had a troubled publishing history. First it was with Vivendi Games, but then Activision acquired Vivendi when it merged with Blizzard (makers of WoW.)  During a long series of poor decisions Activision decided to drop Ghostbusters and Brutal Legend, among others, because they’re apparently retarded and can’t recognize potentially well selling games when they see them. EA picked up Brutal Legend, advertised the hell out of it and now it’s all over the map as one of the most high profile and highly anticipated games this year.  Seeing that the game is actually going to do well Activision decided it needed to get its thumb in that pie and sued saying Double Fine (Schafer’s company) didn’t have the right to bring the game they dropped to another company. Double Fine is counter-suing because Activision not only dropped Brutal Legend but was considering the unthinkable of turning it into another goddamn Guitar Hero game.

So what is Brutal Legend anyway? Well it’s an action game that takes place in a world revolving entirely around heavy metal music and imagery. It stars Jack Black as a hapless roadie who is transported there, and for those of you who would be worried about that: he doesn’t really sound like himself in the game. That is to say, he’s actually playing a character rather than just, you know, being Jack Black. Tim Curry and Ozzie Ozbourne among other big names are also lending their voices to it. Just watch this cutscene, it’s hilarious. I’m probably going to rent this game first but I do have high hopes for it.

5. Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box

Due Date: Aug 24th | Platforms: DS

Goddamn I love me some Professor Layton. I don’t even really like the puzzles much, I overthink them, or I can’t do math, I often skip them or cheat and look up the answers, though when I do solve a puzzle on my own I feel pretty accomplished. But, really, I’m more into Layton for the story and the characters. Finding out the mystery of St. Mystere and seeing some of the most EPIC cutscenes EVER (wish it was better quality) is what has kept me plugging away at the first game.

Probably why I’m so happy there’s going to be a Professor Layton theatrical animated film in Japan next year. GLEEE~

Where it’s not likely, I’m kind of hoping the puzzles in Diabolical Box actually have more to do with the game’s plot. It was getting a little ridiculous that no one in St. Mystere would give you any info unless you solved a completely unrelated puzzle, or that Layton would be reminded of puzzles from seeing garbage on the ground or something. I’d rather prefer the game’s puzzles to actually fit into the what’s going on, but I realize it would be difficult to include over 100 puzzles that way.

But wait- … This game is coming out in this month!? Crap! I still haven’t finished the first one! Oh no, looks like my distraction is starting early!

A Parting Note/Mini-Rant:

You may have noticed I didn’t include Bishock 2 on this list even though I clearly loved Bioshock 1. Well, you know what, I’m not looking forward to Bioshock 2. I kind of agree with this GamesRadar article, it’s a bad idea.

This sequel feels like a fanservice cash-in. I mean it’s not being made by the original team or lead writer Ken Lavine for one, what it is being developed by is a clusterfuck of 4 or more teams spread out across different continents. For two, you play as a Big Daddy. Really? Was this necessary? Again, this just screams fanservice  and it’s not even entirely true: you have to be a previously dormant “prototype” Big Daddy in order to be sentient, and you’re smaller and faster, so you might as well be a normal dude with a drill for an arm. The team(s) claim it’s because in the first game you were a guy on the outside looking in, so this time you’re someone from Rapture.

SPOILER/NERD RAGE ALERT

BULLSHIT! Did these clowns even play the first game? The whole stupid, idiotic, nearly-game-ruining plot twist in the first Bioshock was that you were born in Rapture, 2 years ago, rapidly aged, brainwashed, given false memories and sent out into the world to live a pre-programmed life until you would be needed to come back to reach Andrew Ryan using your DNA because you’re his son and everything is controlled by his genetic signature and your makers managed to not only plan a plane crash 2 years in advance (in the 1960’s no less) directly over the entrance to Rapture in the middle of the Atlantic but were confident that you would fucking survive it.

Yeah. Sounds pretty retarded when it’s all laid out like that, huh? That’s because it is. It is really retarded. But my point here is I liked the idea of being some poor sap unrelated to the whole mess trying to survive in Rapture. The first game already takes that away from you, and I want it back!

When they first launched their viral “There’s Something in the Sea” website I thought you were going to get to play as the detective guy slowly going conspiracy theorist levels of insane trying to figure out where all these little girls all along the Atlantic coast all over the world were getting kidnapped to. And I do like the idea of the Big Sister and the kidnapped little girls, but in the end the only real purpose it serves is to arbitrarily repopulate Rapture with Little Sisters. Can’t we think of something new, people? It’s just the same rehashed environment and it’s not going to have anywhere near the same impact it originally did.

And multiplayer, bullshit again, online multiplayer doesn’t automatically make every game better. Maybe next I should do a list of games I’m dreading, but I can only really think of this and Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. The latter is definitely a rant for another day!

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